found in teh internets


on english

We'll begin with a box, and the plural is boxes,
But the plural of ox becomes oxen, not oxes.
One fowl is a goose, but two are called geese,
Yet the plural of moose should never be meese.
You may find a lone mouse or a nest full of mice,
Yet the plural of house is houses, not hice.
If the plural of man is always called men,
Why shouldn't the plural of pan be called pen?
If I speak of my foot and show you my feet,
And I give you a boot, would a pair be called beet?
If one is a tooth and a whole set are teeth,
Why shouldn't the plural of booth be called beeth?
Then one may be that, and three would be those,
Yet hat in the plural would never be hose,
And the plural of cat is cats, not cose.
We speak of a brother and also of brethren,
But though we say mother, we never say methren.
Then the masculine pronouns are he, his and him,
But imagine the feminine: she, shis and shim!

Let's face it -English is a crazy language.
There is no egg in eggplant nor ham in hamburger;
neither apple nor pine in pineapple.
English muffins weren't invented in England .
We take English for granted, but if we explore its paradoxes,

we find that quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are square,
and a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.
And why is it that writers write but fingers don't fing,
grocers don't groce and hammers don't ham?
If teachers taught, why didn't preachers praught?
If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat?
Sometimes I think all the folks who grew up speaking English should be
committed to an asylum for the verbally insane.
In what other language do people
recite at a play and play at a recital?
We ship by truck but send cargo by ship.
We have noses that run and feet that smell.
We park in a driveway and drive in a parkway.
And how can a slim chance and a fat chance be the
same, while a wise man and a wise guy are opposites?
You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language in which your house
can burn up as it burns down, in which you fill in a form by filling it out,
and in which an alarm goes off by going on.

And, in closing, if Father is Pop, how come Mother's not Mop?

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13 thoughts on “found in teh internets

  1. LOL well now.. I guess I should just stop freaking out about how odd Spanish can be as i try to learn to speak it. At least it mostly follows an ordered pattern.

  2. Heh!(Although, in defense of English, at least we don't have to learn noun genders and accent marks! That's what always trips me up in trying to learn other languages.)

  3. the site I lifted this bit from had no attribution. a bit of goggle-fu yielded no author – it is generally attributed to "A. Nony Mouse

  4. Yeah that's true! I forgot to mention that I really like this language! That's a language so rock n' roll any kind of word you say in english could sound so rock n' roll. In french it's so hard to find words which sounds rock n' roll! I know that it certainly sounds stupid for an english spoken to hear that because you can even notice how english sounds rock n' roll to europeans ears. That's really a fascinating topic, languages. I read on a comment above about the gender and accent, and that's true when you learn the language it's cool to not have to be careful about it. I think that's one of the reason that my german is crappy and my spanish too because with the gender and especially in german that's really hard. That's why when I heard about french which be the most difficult language to learn I'm not agree and I don't talk about russians or chinese with a different alphabet!I wonder what idiosyncracies we've got in french, I will try to find some

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